Chris Pratt’s 9 Rules for Life

I can’t believe I’m writing an article highlighting something good a celebrity has said. For the most part they’re so bloody out of touch that what they say comes across as idiotic and often vengeful (Robert De Niro you poor, stupid fool).

There are, however, rare cases when a fella achieves wealth and fame and seems to keep his values, the values bestowed upon him by his folks and his Maker and Chris Pratt once again displayed that wealth and fame haven’t corrupted him but given him a platform by which he can help people pull themselves up, lead, stand strong, and make a better life for themselves rather than living an envious, hateful, cynical life when he gave a wee speech at the MTV awards recently.

Pratt doesn’t preach to you, he’s wise enough to sprinkle humor in with deep, profound messages.

No one wants to be told that God loves them if they don’t believe in God, but when you talk about pooping at a party and then mention prayer, we’re far more receptive. He’s a smart guy, with good values, and his words need to be heeded and acted upon, not just heard.

(1) “Breathe. If you don’t, you will suffocate.”

(2) “You have a soul. Be careful with it.”

(3) “Don’t be a turd. If you are strong, be a protector. If you are smart, be a humble influencer. Strength and intelligence can be weapons, so do not wield them against the weak. That makes you a bully. Be bigger than that.”

(4) “When giving a dog medicine, put the medicine in a little piece of hamburger and they won’t even know they’re eating medicine.”

(5) “It doesn’t matter what it is. Earn it. A good deed. Reach out to someone in pain. Be of service. It feels good and it’s good for your soul.”

(6) “God is real. God loves you, God wants the best for you. Believe that, I do.”

(7) “If you have to poop at a party, but you’re embarrassed because you’re going to stink up the bathroom, just do what I do. Lock the door, sit down, get all of the pee out first. And then, once all the pee is done, poop, flush, boom! You minimize the amount of time that the poop’s touching the air.” “Because if you poop first, it takes you longer to pee and then you’re peeing on top of it, stirring up the poop particles, create a cloud, goes out, then everyone at the party will know that you pooped. Just trust me, it’s science.”

(8) “Learn to pray. It’s easy, and it is so good for your soul.”

(9) “Nobody is perfect. People will tell you that you are perfect just the way that you are, you are not! You are imperfect. You always will be, but there is a powerful force that designed you that way, and if you are willing to accept that, you will have grace.” “And grace is a gift. Like the freedom that we enjoy in this country, that grace was paid for with somebody else’s blood. Do not forget that. Don’t take that for granted.”