You can’t have what you don’t deserve quite yet. But you can work harder than anyone else and get what you currently can’t even comprehend.
I’m shifting my mindset from that of a dreamer to that of a worker.
In our society we praise the dreamer but a dreamer that isn’t a worker will never give his dreams to his world.
The dreamer can’t die, however. It must live on. So it does, but in the right moments and at the right time. In fact, I’m giving more time to my dreaming, my thinking, my desire to find clarity to some of the bigger questions that my brain or my soul won’t stop asking. But when you just dream, you essentially envy.
You don’t love what you have or appreciate where you are and often find ‘motivation’ by looking at what others have. And this isn’t relegated to money or mansions, but relationships too.
One of the most commonly asked questions I get in my inbox are guys asking about women. First, I’m not the guy to ask, those lovely creatures confuse the hell out of me. But I have figured a few things out.
For one, ‘she’ – your ideal, whether you know what your ideal is or not, and you likely don’t – cannot be just yet. You haven’t met her or you’re not ready to appreciate her or defend her or care for her like you’ll need to. She exists, maybe. Regardless, she doesn’t exist in your life now, so it’s not something that you should be fixated on.
For those guys asking how to find their dream girl or whether they should focus on said girl or play the field, the answer is that it isn’t really something you can control. What you can control is the man you are, the work you’re doing, and how you’re improving. (Read This: Where Dating Gurus Have It Wrong)
As soon as you lose site of this – heck, as soon as I lose sight of this – the climb in life stops and that man you were becoming fails to be.
That ideal lady that you want, that every guy wants, the one standing behind and beside Reagan or Churchill or Stockdale or MLK, is dependent on who you become. She’s working, learning, growing and evolving, and if she isn’t, she’s not that lady. She might have a beautiful face, a nice rack, a lovely bootay, and some irresistible legs, but if she isn’t improving and learning and becoming tougher just like you should be, that brief list is all she’ll ever be.
This goes far beyond the woman you want. We’re becoming a culture that only dreams, and we dream not imaginative scenarios that better our fellow man or our family, we dream in comparison to what others have.
THINGS MEAN NOTHING
That’s what our culture has put at its pedestal: things. It’s why we do what we do. Our dreams are pictures that cover our offices or are littered all over our computer’s hard drive that show us what we should aspire to have. I get caught up in this all the time.
I want a farm with horses and a babe under my arm but these aren’t dreams. These don’t provide clarity and they don’t help us figure out what we should be working on or how we should become better men.
The amount of weak, scummy, arrogant and prickish rich people I’ve met is endless. They’re meaningless. They’re unhappy, addicted to drugs or stuff or women besides the ones they married. The pursuit of what many of us dream leaves us with emptiness.
And so I mention I’ve been compartmentalizing my work and my dreams.
We’re happier when we’re in nature. The studies have been done. We find clarity, our cortisol levels drop, we’re far more imaginative. Yet few of us get there.
I’ve been getting out into the mountains 3-4 times a week on runs or hikes. This is where I dream because this is where my mind is free from the pressures and worries of our society to dream real dreams and to find viable pursuits.
When I get back to my office, dreaming time is over and working time is here.
To find the clarity, but also to understand just how miniscule we are and our worries are, we have to be in situations that show our profound insignificance. Nature gives that perspective needed not only to not worry about the stupid shit that clouds our minds, but to understand what does deserve our attention, and that thing is usually work.
If you want what you don’t yet have, work.
All that matters is the work.
The other guy, the competition, your neighbour, your rival, they’re all trivial when you think about it. Heck, you’re trivial. The work is all that matters. It’s the work that will outlast even you if you work hard enough and on something important enough.
Hopefully, like the great outdoors, this article has given you some perspective.
Use it to do better work.
BE WHERE YOU ARE
About The Author
Chad Howse: Chad’s mission is to get you in the arena, ‘marred by the dust and sweat and blood’, to help you set and achieve audacious goals in the face of fear, and not only build your ideal body, but the life you were meant to live. He’ll give you the kick in the ass needed to help you live a big, ambitious life.
You can contact him at –