I’m working my way through Tim Grover’s, Relentless, right now.
Tim is Michael Jordan’s strength coach, and Kobe Bryant’s. He’s spent a lot of time around guys who are killers, winners on another level, they’re beyond competitive.
It’s a great book, one that dives into the darkness of victory, the instinct of it.
Instinct is something many of us have lost. We were born with instincts. I remember being a kid, wanting to beat anyone and everyone at anything.
I’d fight all the time. I loved it. Slowly, however, we all confuse being good with being nice. We see this desire to kill, to do
minate, to hunt, as bad, and we soften it, let it go in an attempt to civilize.
You cannot ever become fully civilized if you want victory. Something within you has to remain true to those instincts and sometimes advice can cloud that inner voice, that ‘gut feeling’ that a man should always listen to first.
While I’m a guy who gives advice, who shows guys how to eat, train and become more disciplined, the advice is something you have to watch out for. Too much of it can lead you to live someone else’s life and lose those instincts that we all need to thrive.
So take advice from people who actually have your best interests in mind, but don’t take advice from everyone. Don’t seek advice from everyone either.
Years ago I stopped seeking so much damn advice and started doing my thing, whether it was business or life, and it’s helped me live life on my terms and build a business on my terms.
Listen, who do we admire, the man in a crowd, one of many, or the original, the man who stands on his own, who leads, who goes his own way?
We’re a tribe here, but no man can lose his ability to listen to his gut, to thrive off instinct rather than advice.
My dog, Teddy, doesn’t for a second think about chasing a deer, he just does it, and it’s nearly impossible to hold him back.
A lion doesn’t think about killing, that’s just what lions do.
Men should spend less time thinking about doing what they know deep down they need to do, and just do it.
When you have a decision to make, make it, follow the first thing that came to your mind and deal with the consequences later.
If you’re wrong, pivot, and fix the mistake, but stop living the safe life, the life led by the advice of others, where the tough decisions of your life can be pawned off on someone else so that, in part, they can share the blame if it’s the wrong decision.
Trust your gut.
It takes confidence to trust your gut. And if you don’t have confidence, and you want to develop it, start there.
Start by making fast and firm decisions, then follow through on them.
Be the lion, do as lions do. React, forget if everything is perfect. Forget about thinking about every scenario and outcome.
Get after it.
In 1911, three men set out on the adventure of a lifetime. They wanted to trek the unknown territory of Antarctica and link it with other known portions of the desolate continent.
The three men were ages 33, 30, and 29 respectively. They were ambitious, strong, courageous, and unwaveringly committed in their endeavor, so much so that two of them died along the way and one barely made it out alive. He was all alone on the ice.
This is a far cry from the 30 year olds that walk in our midst today.
Instead, they have traded their ambition for something far less virtuous.
Men have become soft, emasculated, and lazy.
This is due in part to real men having become reclusive and passive, and our culture becoming impervious to masculinity.
Look around and you will see that men are more concerned about the pants that they wear and the way their hair looks than how to make ambitious goals, and pursue their dreams. They have become afraid of their own shadow and doomed themselves to a life of mediocrity.
Chances are, that if you are reading this, then you go against the status quo, that you as a man have found yourself on the other side of society. You have been called “rough around the edges” or “insensitive”.
Take this as a compliment
Unfortunately, our culture has deemed men who are passive, and relinquish their manhood virtuous, and esteemed.
What men really need is self-awareness, mastery, and other men to learn from.
“As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another” – Proverbs 27:17
Men need to pursue mastery and be in constant pursuit of huge ambitious goals. They must constantly challenge themselves and push themselves to learn new skills and to grow in strength, endurance and mindset.
These things can only be developed if they are done with discipline and consistency.
The Lost Virtues of a Man
Men need to have some sort of consistent physical activity that they do, whether it’s lifting weights, martial arts, running, swimming, biking or a combination of all of them.
When men don’t do this, they get fat, injured, or have health issues. Don’t believe me, look around.
They also need to have a why, a reason for existing. They need to know their why, so that they can work in their Strengths and become who they are made to be.
Socrates said it best: “No man has the right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training. It is a shame for a man to grow old without seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable.”
If you are not pushing your limits or putting your body under deliberate physical stress every day, you are denying your very essence.
Men need to know what they are capable of. When you lift weights, move heavy objects, destroy your goals and win, then you become confident and more alpha minded.
Lifting weights just to lift weights is not enough. You have to train. Life is going to come at you from all angles and you need to be prepared to handle whatever it throws at you. The more you exercise your body and your mind and put it under good, deliberate stress, the easier the problems will seem.
Learn how to do heavy Lifts like the Deadlift, Squat, and Olympic Lifts. Get a trainer, or go to a fundamentals class to learn these lifts. Proper form is key.
Men don’t play the victim. They take ownership.
Your mind will tell you that you can’t do something. You have to be able to tell it to shut up.
You have to build your mind by repeating positive habits. There are two very important ways that this can be done.
- Lift Weights and Exercise: Lifting weights boosts testosterone, builds confidence, and leaves you with a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction long after the workout. I quote Jocko Willink “If you want to improve mental toughness, try this: BE TOUGHER“
- Read Good Books: You have to read books that set your dreams on fire, and grow your library of manly books .If the only time a man is getting information is from Social media, Netflix or the TV, then he must just like being useless. Every great man in history was a reader, Marcus Aurelius, Themistocles, Teddy Roosevelt, Solomon, and many more.
- I’m not talking about hippie yoga crap. I’m talking about shutting up and listening to what is going on around you. Take five minutes every day to sit, breathe deeply and remain quiet. Focus on who you want to be, and your ideal day. Then go out and do your best to be that man.
Do these things every single day.
Men need a battle to fight, and a challenge to face
John Eldredge in his book “Wild at Heart”, said that men need three things.
- A Battle to Fight
- An Adventure to Live
- A Beauty to Rescue
If a man wants to know what he is made of, I would urge him strongly to take on some sort of endurance event. Triathlon, Spartan Race 13+ miles, Biking, Marathon, Ultra-Marathon, go-ruck event, being away from your family or loved ones for an extended period of time.
A man will find out a lot about himself by physically and mentally challenging himself. The thing you don’t think you can do. That’s the thing you need to do.
Men need to continually learn new skills and become proficient at the ones already developed. If you want to build a website but don’t know how…then learn. If you don’t know how to bench press…then learn. If you don’t know how to shoot a gun, then go learn. Do manly stuff!
Men know that there is never an arrival point, there is never a destination. This life is asymptotic. Meaning you will continually come closer and closer to perfection, but never reach it. This should be encouraging because the sky is the limit.
Once you have a skill, work hard to hone it, and incorporate it into your daily life.
Every day you have a choice as a man, you can settle into mediocrity and passivity that this culture nurtures and cultivates, or you can set yourself apart and be the man you are made to be.
Being that man isn’t easy, because doing things the right way is not popular, and others will go against you because they are shallow scared little boys.
Boys hide and do what feels good, they don’t take responsibility or ownership. They are cowards, afraid of the success they can achieve, afraid to be dangerous and harsh.
It takes a man to make men.
How to obtain Mastery
- Don’t look for shortcuts. First, say to yourself what type of man you want to be, then be that man. No one is going to push you more than yourself. A man doesn’t wait for things to be perfect, he takes action.
- Stay Consistent. Don’t give up because something gets hard. Becoming the man you are made to be, takes time, effort and practice. Lots of it. Epictetus said: “No great thing is created suddenly, any more than a bunch of grapes or a fig. If you tell me that you desire a fig, I answer that there must be time. Let it first blossom, then bear fruit, then ripen.
- Remain Teachable and Humble. These go hand in hand. Humility leads to being teachable. When you realize that you don’t know anything that is when you are ready to learn anything. Remember that you are a warrior and that you were made for greatness. Warriors are teachable, and always ready to learn.
- Be willing to adapt. Things don’t always go as planned, but if you remain strategic in your approach and are developing your skill and strength then you will be able to adapt and change as new opportunities and openings arise in your life.
- Challenge Yourself. Never think that you have arrived. That you have reached your destination. A man’s journey lasts a lifetime, and you can’t do things because you think you are going to get noticed or because you want accolades. Do the things you need to do because they will make you better as a man, not because you think you will be rewarded for doing them.
Don’t ever settle into mediocrity. Always choose the higher road. You will be a better man because of it, one that is born hardship, pain, discomfort, and grief. Life is never guaranteed to be easy, and as a man, this is the first step in developing a warrior mindset and a never quit attitude.
Be Legendary, Be Authentic.
Do Manly Stuff, Create goals and then conquer those big audacious goals that you set for yourself.
Kick ass. Ever. Single. Day.
Be the man that you were made to be.
is a Navy Veteran, Cross-fit Enthusiast, Blogger, Podcaster, Engineer, who loves to lift weights in his garage, and help men be the men that they were made to be.
I was talking with a buddy and his lady the other day about them possibly getting a dog.
I love dogs, so obviously I was trying to sell them on the idea.
We went from talking about breeds to the specifics, like should they get pet insurance and so on.
Finally, the conversation dove into how stupid regulations are, namely the fact that my dog is banned in 7 countries.
If you’ve ever met Teddy, my 3-year old dogo Argentino, you’d know he’s an absolute sweetheart. The guy’s a teddy bear (hence the name).
Granted, at 110 pounds of solid muscle, you wouldn’t want to break into my house if Teddy’s inside. But isn’t that the point?
Part of the point of owning a dog is, of course, companionship, but they’re also working animals. They serve a purpose. Part of Teddy’s purpose is to protect and defend the house, especially when I’m not home.
Some governments – be they national, provincial, state, or municipal – look at the capacity a dog has to do harm to other dogs or humans, and they punish owners (by making them pay higher for licensing or insurance) or by outright banning the dog, regardless of what the evidence says.
For instance, chihuahuas bite more humans than pitbulls.
And dogo’s, well, they’re not even on the list – any list for that matter.
If you know dogs you’ll know it’s 100% dependent on the owner. If the owner is a prick, then the dog is likely going to react accordingly.
Punishing the masses for a few bad apples is always horrific policy.
Regardless, Teddy is a wonderful companion, and a GREAT guard dog.
That’s his purpose.
It’s also MY purpose, and YOUR purpose.
While we’re here to provide for others, to lead others, to inspire and motivate and so on, we’re also here to defend.
That’s our role.
Men are bred over thousands upon thousands of years to guard the village and city gates from other men and animals who would do its inhabitants harm.
Just like societies try to limit or even ban dogs who have the capacity for danger, they’re trying to make our men softer, more timid and malleable.
You have to fight that.
I have to fight that.
While we need to be caring, kind, and good, if we don’t accompany that with the capacity for danger, it’s all for nought.
And while you’re going to the gym to build bigger muscles, to get lean, and to increase your testosterone levels, you’re also there to train your body to be dangerous, and to have that potential running through your veins.
Because, as a man, in the end, it’s not about you.
You’re dangerous so those around you can be free, safe, and creative.
You’re dangerous so those around you don’t have to worry.
You’re dangerous because that’s what real men have been since before Moses wore short pants.
Take this quest with you next time you’re in the gym, and I guarantee you’ll put more into your training because when you think of your purpose on these terms, there’s a heck of a lot more at stake from your training.
P.S. Have you picked up the Man Diet yet?
If not, pick it up here for FREE: www.themandietbook.com
Let me preface this by saying that I don’t watch the news. This isn’t about current events. It’s not about politics.
It’s about you and helping you become the most powerful man you can become.
Earlier this year I mentioned that I’m splitting my reading list up.
On one hand, I’m studying guys who’ve accomplished great things and either through their own words or their biographies, have left clues for what has made them over-achievers, winners, and even billionaires and conquerors.
The other part of my reading is learning marketing. I spend time reading articles and studies about testosterone and training and self-improvement, but knowledge on that front is useless if eyes don’t see my site, my youtube page, or my programs or books.
The first guy I’m studying is Trump, and I’m doing so because of something I noticed in a few of his interviews…
… His self-talk is POWERFUL
You can tell he doesn’t let doubt or negative talk enter his mind about himself by how he talks about himself, his accomplishments to others.
This can come off as incredibly arrogant. He doesn’t doubt himself. He talks himself up. He brags and boasts, but he also works.
Having true humility dictates that you understand that you have to work to get what you want. If you were arrogant, you wouldn’t work because you think you’re God’s gift to the world and that you’re entitled to what you haven’t yet earned.
Trump works. He sleeps 3-4 hours a night so he can work more than his competition. THAT is humility. Most people won’t boast or brag, but they also won’t work. They’ll think they’re entitled, worthy of what they don’t have, but they won’t vocalize it so they think they’re humble, they’ll show it in their actions, their laziness, their complaining.
I want to get into the mind of how a guy goes from starting his own real estate company, tackling the insanely tough New York market, to becoming the President of the most powerful nation in the world.
We’ll split this into two parts. Read both. Whatever your politics, forget about them for two days and take something from a guy who’s figured out to accomplish much of what he sets out to achieve.
Intelligence cannot be kept as a theory. It has to be put into action. I don’t count people who can talk about theories and intentions as intelligent. You’re (I’m) only intelligent if you create something, accomplish something…
… And those people who continually set massive goals and go out and achieve them are the most intelligent among us, so let’s learn from them.
Here are 3 lessons I’ve learned from Donald Trump that will help you become a more powerful man.
Lesson #1: You’re a king, you’re a killer.
In the early 90’s, Trump was in MASSIVE debt. He owed billions of dollars. The people and media outlets that had previously praised him were now calling him a moron. He was a piraya.
He admittedly lost the work ethic and discipline that got him his initial success and started believing his own initial hype (and going into billions of dollars in debt is a tough way to learn that lesson).
Everyone was after him. Bankers, media, colleagues, they all wanted his downfall. His old man, however, wasn’t buying this ‘end’. He wasn’t worried about his son or his future.
When Donald asked his dad for advice, his dad said two phrases:
“You’re a king. You’re a killer.”
Trump believed it. He believed his dad. He stood taller and faced the obstacles head on.
Here’s the truth:
YOU are a king. YOU are a killer. Act like it.
Don’t doubt yourself. If you doubt yourself, everyone will. Don’t diminish who you are. Don’t talk about yourself like you’re anything less than a king, a killer. And ACT LIKE ONE.
Work like a guy who can accomplish anything. Work harder than your competition. Hunt down your prey like the king of the jungle.
How you view yourself is the most important thing in the world.
You can see yourself as a king and a killer, or a failure and a weakling. But however, you see yourself is how others will see you.
You will not get the respect from the world that you crave if you don’t first give it to yourself.
Give yourself permission to be THE MAN.
Forget about sounding arrogant. Forget about being conceded. You’re going to do the work. You’re not entitled or lazy. So start seeing yourself like the man you can be, and talk like you’re that guy, too.
Self-talk is powerful.
It can be powerfully destructive or helpful, it’s up to you which one it is.
Lesson #2: You are who you think you are, who you say you are.
If you think you can do a thing or think you can’t do a thing, you’re right. ~ Henry Ford
Ever since I started reading a couple books about Trump (How to Think Like a Billionaire, and, Think Big and Kick Ass), I’ve been paying close attention to my self-talk.
And it sucks.
I have a book that I’m releasing in a few days. And I’m worried abo
ut how it’ll be received. I’m thinking about worst case scenarios, I’m doubting myself and my abilities.
There’s no benefit to it. Even if the book is horribly received, I can write another one, a better one. It’s not the end of the world, but it’s more likely that it’ll be received well. It’s a good book. It’ll help thousands of guys learn how to eat and live in a way that’ll boost their testosterone levels.
Think like a winner.
Think like a billionaire.
In innate talent and ability, many billionaires are no better than you or I. They do, however, have more confidence, they give themselves permission to live to a higher standard. They talk to themselves like they’re kings and killers.
You and I HAVE TO do the same.
We have to get in the habit of not doubting ourselves in any way. We’re X on the way to become Y.
Trump talks about this in his book, Think Big and Kick Ass.
Don’t see yourself as a law student, but as a law student on his way to becoming partner.
Or a fitness pro, but a fitness pro on his way to creating a powerful publishing company.
Think bigger, not just in terms of goals, but in terms of who you are. And don’t you DARE doubt yourself. Don’t let those weak thoughts get anywhere close to you.
Lesson #3: It’s easier to get a $100 million dollar loan than a $50,000 loan.
The competition resides in being mediocre.
There are only a few hundred billionaires on the planet. That’s not a lot of competition.
There are billions of people who think small and set their sights low.
In one of the books, Trump makes the point that it’s easier to get a loan for a massive project than it is to get one for a small project.
Banks want to attach their name and brand to something big, not renos in a poor part of town, but a big project in a big part of town.
Most aim for the small things. Few aim for the big things.
For Trumps first few deals he had no money. He had to go out and raise a ton of money, but also pit the banks and the city against one another. In one deal he ended up PAYING LESS THAN ZERO because the city gave him a massive tax rebate that was more than the initial loan he got from the bank.
He went into the deal with literally no money. But that didn’t stop him.
It took years of negotiation, but holy hell did he get a good deal.
Most of us aren’t even aware of the bigger options.
We’re so set in a smaller way of thinking that we limit our options all-together.
Thinking big requires you to step back and truly see the possibilities. A part of this is studying what’s possible.
Spend time studying the biggest players in whatever game you’re in.
See what they’re doing. Study that actions they take, and live on their level.
Everyone can teach you a lesson.
The reality is that there are people who are playing on a bigger stage than you are, but their abilities don’t differ all that much, the same for myself.
How you talk to yourself, what you set your sights on, who you think you are, these are the things that determine the man you become, and what you accomplish in life so long as you’re willing to work.
Get after it.
Mediocrity is a trap easy to fall into.
It’s everywhere around us. We’ve been schooled in it since the day of our birth. And, inevitably so, as the population rises, there are even more mediocre humans attempting mediocre things.
What we aren’t shown is truly daring.
We don’t have examples of impressive audacity.
In our own lives, we can’t even dream about what that would look like.
So we set ‘big goals’, and 10x them, and increase the dollar amount, but we don’t live daring lives.
We don’t live in a way that would lead one to think that we have an understanding that our death is coming, sooner than we’d like to believe.
We live like time is infinite.
I mentioned earlier this year that I’m splitting up my reading into two parts:
- Marketing – something I need to get a lot better at.
- Greatness – men who’ve accomplished truly great things, both in our present time and in history.
So far, I’ve read about a lot of great men. Few of whom were born into a position of greatness. Even those who were born into power – like Alexander – did more with that power than any of them.
That’s a point that needs to be driven home…
We see some success stories and we search for advantages they had that we don’t. But we ignore that it’s our duty to do the best with what we have. That’s it.
Take Trump. People lambaste him for taking a $1 million loan from his old man. They say, “if I got a loan like that I’d be a billionaire too.” Odds are they wouldn’t. Not even close.
If you make $30k/year you’re in the top 1% in the world. And yet we choose to see ourselves as have nots rather than haves.
Hence, you and I have to study great men. We need to see what true greatness is, and how you don’t need a hand-out to attain it. Here are 3 guys you should study and the book’s to begin with:
Napoleon became the emperor of the country that conquered his homeland. Think about that, first, then think about it in terms of title being everything during his time. The title you were born with was the title you would die with.
Yet, he had no title. Still, he become emperor of the very country that overtook his own. That would be like a Polish man ruling the Soviets during their reign, or an Indian becoming king of England when they ruled India. It’s incredible. The scope of his accomplishments need to be studied.
Cook, too, was born in a time when title and birthright determined what you would do with your life. He was born to a farming family. Yet he ended up becoming a Merchant Marine, gaining command of his own ship (which was a lucrative career back then), only to quit and join the Navy, starting again from the very bottom.
He worked his way up and got command of his own ship there, too. He did what no men did before him, and he did it all in the pursuit of adventure.
John D. Rockefeller
Rockefeller was born poor, dirt poor, but died the richest man in the world. Not only was he born poor, but his old man left his mother for another lady and another family.
He acquired wealth as much through audacity and daring as discipline. In fact, discipline was the main driver behind his insane ability to grow and gain power.
Study great men as a means to get into their mind, their way of thinking, setting goals, and dreaming.
Mediocrity is all around you. You do not have to be a part of it.
Books can transport you to another time, another way of viewing the world. They’re a tool. Use books to understand what’s possible.
A lack of decisiveness is what’s wrong with a lot of young men. They wander. They’re not assertive. They lack focus and drive and persistence. It’s an offset of society, we’ve become one where instant gratification is supreme, so we follow every desire we have. (Read This: How to Fight Your Desires)
To get what you want in life, and that’s damn well important, you have to be decisive about every little action you take. You need an overall direction and purpose to your actions, and then the little things you do in the run of a day have to align with that purpose.
Clarity is king.
When you know who you are, what your values are, what you stand for and where you’re headed, being decisive is simple, even easy.
In this article we’ll go through the 7 ways to be a more decisive man…
… And this is important not just to live a great life, but to be the man for your lady.
Let’s get into it.
1. Practice quick decision-making in the short term, for small things.
While being more decisive in the grand scheme is what you want, being more decisive and assertive in the immediate minutia is where you’ll hone this necessary skill. Practice making fast decisions.
Decide what you want to eat, quickly. Decide what movie you want to watch or what clothes you want to wear. This will actually have another effect…
Our brains only have the capacity to make a certain amount of decisions in the run of a day properly and optimally, after we reach our capacity – and it’s different for everyone – our energy levels decline, and our ability to make the best decisions diminishes. So if you’re spending 30-minutes figure out what to wear in the morning, you’re wasting that energy-making power on something that’s useless. (Read This: How to Be More Decisive)
Make fewer decisions, and make them faster.
2. Practice sticking to what you decided
Practice living with your decisions. Make them fast, then see them through.
You see this a lot with younger guys, and older guys who don’t have the respect of their seeds or spouses, they jump from thing to thing, job to job, hobby to hobby. They lack consistency.
Great men are relentlessly consistent. They know what they want and they don’t deviate from the path to get it.
Practice this consistency with your small decisions. It will transfer to the bigger things in life.
3. Spend a day and figure out what your ideal life would be. Without clarity, you can’t be decisive.
Clarity demands our time and attention.
We rarely spend enough time thinking and planning. We’re always being busy for the sake of being busy. It’s useless. Imagine spending your entire life being busy on the wrong thing!
My goodness… the regret of such time wasted would be a tough pill to swallow, so avoid it by spending the time and energy on figuring out just what you want and creating a plan of how to get it.
Read. Research. Take the time to acquire enough perspective to know that what you want is true. And when you create a vision for your life, being decisive in taking actions that lead you toward it becomes easy.
4. Determine the virtues you hold most important. Make a chart. Tick them off daily.
Ben Franklin did this. Copy him.
He was insightful enough to understand that what he wanted in life is dependent on him, who he was, how much he could work, save, and learn, so he crafted virtues that would help him become the man his goals and dreams needed him to become.
Make a list of 10-14 rules or virtues that you don’t break, and track how well you abide by them.
Try these – – – > > The 12 Virtues of Manliness
5. BE the man you want to become, stop waiting to become him. ACT AS IF YOU ARE HIM.
For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side-effect of one’s personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the by-product of one’s surrender to a person other than oneself. Happiness must happen, and the same holds for success: you have to let it happen by not caring about it. ~ Viktor Frankl
That may be the most powerful quote you’ll ever read.
Success isn’t something you can pursue, it must ensue. It must happen. You do not pursue that man you want to become, you become him. You do not pursue decisiveness, you become more decisive.
People would love for it to be more complicated than that. It isn’t.
What you want is dependent on who you are and you can become the man you need to become, today. You can live the virtues, create the habits, have the thoughts of a billionaire, the habits of a winner, the actions of an explorer, now. You do not need to wait for this to occur.
Those who truly understand this. Those who act with courage now. Those who act decisively today, will become the man they need to become, and the life and the goals and the dreams will soon be their daily reality.
6. Have confidence that you cannot only make the right decision, but that if you make the wrong decision, you’ll win anyway. You’re tough like that.
You’re the man. Whatever decision you make, no matter the outcome, you can and will rise and win as a result of it. Even if you fail, you’ll pick yourself up and get back on the horse.
This allows you to make decisive actions, not from a place of fear, but strength.
You need to be strong. You need to act as though you have nothing to lose and that you can walk away from any deal, decision, and win regardless of where you find yourself.
7. Stop thinking, start doing. Make one big decision right now, do it, and let the chips land where they may.
Practice everything we’ve talked about, but on a big scale.
Book a trip. Buy a domain. Ask a lady out.
Do something that – to you – is big.
Most people won’t do this. But you’re not most people. You know that whatever you do, you’ll make it work, you’ll make victory out of failure.
Get after it.
About The Author
Chad Howse: Chad’s mission is to get you in the arena, ‘marred by the dust and sweat and blood’, to help you set and achieve audacious goals in the face of fear, and not only build your ideal body, but the life you were meant to live.
You can contact him at –
THE MAN’S GUIDE TO BEING MORE DECISIVE
This includes to stop asking advice from me, or anyone you’d deem worthy of giving you advice before you ask and do a couple things which we’ll get into in a bit.
A couple things you need to know:
- You know what you have to do. Often times asking advice is a possible excuse from doing what you know you’ve got to do.
- Whomever you’re asking for advice can’t know the complete story like you do. Trust yourself, first, then ask for another perspective if necessary, but if you’re always searching for another way you’re never going to own your own path in life, and you’re never going to act with the decisiveness that a flourishing life requires.
Now, this is going to make me sound like a prick, so I have to preface it with examples from my own life.
I used to ask for advice about nearly everything.
Within business I sought the advice of people I thought knew more and would hang on their every suggestion. It never worked because their businesses were so different than my own.
Now, I’ve since hired coaches and its been wonderful, but we’re working on structure, figuring out what works, and not on offers or topics of content because I know what I have to write, in part, because you let me know.
I’d ask pals about a lady I’d be dating, about what the best move was, when to call, what to do, where to take her.
I’d ask for advice about nearly everything, and what I began to see was a fella not living life on his terms but one influenced by others.
So I stopped cold turkey.
True originals are rare. Men who set out on a unique path and act based on who they are and what they want not predicated on a trend or fad or an external influence, be it friend, foe, boss, mentor, or media.
Decisive men are a relic. The joke used to be that men don’t ask for directions, now we ask what we should wear; we look to articles for tips and tactics on how to ‘be’. It’s insane how little we know about ourselves and our truest wants, desires, and dreams.
The purpose of this article isn’t to make men mute. That is, I’m not writing this so we don’t talk to anyone about anything, however, when we constantly hand over decisions in our lives we hand over our lives. To take back your decisions and actions is to reclaim power and purpose, as well as clarity, and where there’s clarity based on your own logic, there’s no need to depend on anyone.
You’re here to walk your own path in life, not the path your folks or society or pals expect you to walk.
Think with more audacity. Act with more decisiveness.
There are two parts to this article and they both fuel one another.
Part I: Why you should stop asking for advice, and how to do it.
Part II: How to use part I to become more decisive.
ADVICE, IS IT REALLY NECESSARY?
It is, but not to the extent to which we use it and ask for it.
Asking for advice is often simply the desire to talk about ourselves, to put ourselves in the centerpiece of a conversation.
It’s also, as discussed earlier, a possible ‘out’ for not doing what we know we have to do.
For example, we know we have to break up with a lady who’s just not right for us, but we ask for advice, hoping someone else will provide us with an alternative. Or we know that in order to live the lives we want to live we have to get rid of our bottom-feeding friends, but we hope that someone else’s advice will excuse us from such a tough decision.
We ask advice about quitting our jobs and starting a business – an incredibly difficult and long road – because we’re hoping someone will excuse us from such a tough task.
Or we’re asking for permission.
Since when does a man need permission?
What advice does is remove decisive action from our lives. We float on the influence of others never taking full action on what we want to pursue, do, and chase.
We don’t do, we ask.
Decisiveness often beats correct action because it’s able to figure out what’s right and wrong faster than someone seeking the approval and influence of others is able to realize.
Act quick and with purpose.
CREATE A NEW HABIT
Asking for advice is a habit. Create a new one.
It starts with awareness. The more aware you are of the habit you want to break the more likely you’re going to be able to identify it when it creeps up and root it out instead of blindly doing the same thing over and over again.
Start with small things, stuff that isn’t that important but you ask for advice with it anyway.
Start acting. Don’t even think, just go with your gut and the first thing that comes to mind.
Do this for a day, then begin to do the same with bigger decisions in your life.
Take more advice from literature. That is, read more and take action on the things the books, authors, philosophers suggest.
We can take the written word and decide whether to use it or not far better than we can take the advice of someone we respect and trust and determine whether it’s worth following or not.
About The Author
Chad Howse: Chad’s mission is to get you in the arena, ‘marred by the dust and sweat and blood’, to help you set and achieve audacious goals in the face of fear, and not only build your ideal body, but the life you were meant to live.
You can contact him at –