Why this article on ‘how to know if you’re an alpha male’? Wouldn’t you just know? That’s kind of the point, most wouldn’t. Those that think they are rarely are, and those that don’t think about it at all, are.
This article is more for those who want to be at their best, which is what an alpha male is. Think of the alpha male as your potential in life. Potential cannot be attained if you’re weak, soft, and cowardly, just like it can’t be attained if you’re lazy, envious, and too proud.
Don’t call yourself an alpha male. Don’t try to cover up weakness with arrogance. Don’t think pushing others down is what an alpha male does. The very nature of being an alpha male is leadership. The greatest leaders led by example, they lifted others up and inspired…
…But the harsh reality is that no one is inspired by a loser.
So while you may want to be an alpha male, while you may think you’re an alpha male, while you may want to be at your best, it’s a lifelong pursuit of self-improvement. It’s not something that stops, ever, and arrogance will always lead to your downfall, no matter how many things on this list you can check off.
You can fight.
When a man can’t fight, when he doesn’t have the skill nor the courage nor the mental fortitude nor the strength, he’s useless. If you have the tools, you must use those tools. If you’re injured, or unable, then use a gun, get great at using a firearm.
Regardless, the original purpose of men is one of protector. You’re at the edge of the cities gates, you’re the one who runs downstairs when a bad guy breaks into your house. Be useful in this purpose, you have to know how to fight, and it’s great if you also know how to use a gun. Bad guys don’t care if you’re ‘against guns’.
You can earn.
The other original purpose of a man was to be a provider. In past times that meant hunting for food and being a good hunter. I still think that’s necessary. We need to hunt, as men, to get back to that original purpose, to be outdoors where we’re bred to be. But today we also have to earn.
It’s a man’s duty to earn enough to take care of his family. That’s a foundation of being an alpha male and a man. You don’t have to be rich, wealthy, or powerful, but you have to know how to earn enough to care for those dependent on you.
You’re not an emotional wreck.
People look to those who are stable. You cannot be an alpha male if you’re constantly whining and bitching and moaning about your situation in life. You cannot be an alpha male if you’re always sad and crying when you don’t get your way.
You cannot be an alpha male if people don’t know who they’re going to get. They need stability, especially your lady. You cannot be the one flying off at the handle in cloud of rage every time something imperfect happens.
Control your emotions. Be stoic. You cannot control everything in your life, but you can control how you react to it.
Act from a position of love, caring, and strength. If you care for people, you recognize that, it’s tough to be such an emotional wreck.
You’re not a pussy.
Yes, you have fears, but you don’t let them deter you from action. You have struggles but you face them. You get worried but you solve the problems you face.
You also don’t quit.
In short, you cannot be an alpha male and be a pussy.
You can’t be the guy who’s afraid to back his pals up in a fight. You can’t be the guy who’s afraid to work hard, to risk to try new things, to risk failure for success, and to risk his life for a little adventure.
You lift others up.
An alpha male is a leader. Simple. That means there’s sacrifice in your life. You do not sacrifice your health or mental wellbeing, that makes you useless and unfit to lead.
Rather, you inspire. You show others what’s possible. You support them emotionally or physically. You don’t put others down – that’s never a good idea for long term success – rather, you lift them up.
You’re a protector.
This goes beyond your family. Hopefully it’s just natural that you’re a protector of your family, but you should also aim to protect those who need your protection. You see a single guy getting beat up by a group, you step in. You see a lady being mistreated, you step in.
You’re a natural protector, you’re not the prick hitting the lady or one of the many beating up on a single fella – unless that fella was the guy hitting the lady, then have at it. No, you’re a protector, defender, giver of safety where safety seems impossible.
You work hard.
Nothing is won without hard work. If you’re going to lead, reach your potential, get strong, provide for your family, you’d better be a hard worker.
You’re not arrogant.
Arrogance is a lie. It’s something weak men use to cover up their insecurities. If you’re the kind of guy who has to strut around like a peacock, be loud, obnoxious, and have all the attention all of the time, rethink whether you’re arrogant of confident.
The greatest giver of confidence is overcoming obstacles.
Boxing, and getting good at fighting, gave me a ton of confidence. It quieted me. It made me sure of whether or not I could handle myself so I didn’t have to show that I could handle myself.
Overcoming obstacles in business did the same thing. Men win confidence not by thinking magically different, but by overcoming obstacles.
Modesty is the acknowledgment that you do not know it all, and that whatever you want to achieve will require discipline and hard work, you will not be able to coast to greatness because no one can.
Modesty is the foundation of both success and confidence.
Ambitions are truths, not lies. They’re not pipe dreams that shouldn’t be listened to. They’re your soul telling you what to pursue. They’re ideas into why you’re here, what will make you feel alive, and what you should sacrifice it all to achieve.
Everyone wants to follow someone who thinks bigger, on a more grand scale. Ambition, whether it’s to live an adventurous life or to build a legacy, is vital.
You take care of yourself first.
How can you serve others and take care of yourself first? For an alpha male, for a guy who others depend on, this is necessary.
If you don’t take care of your health you won’t be there for your family for long, and you also won’t have the energy to provide for them.
If you don’t take care of your finances, again, you fail them.
You have to take care of yourself first, so you’re at your best to take care of others.
This requires planning. Structure your day so that you get your work done, your workout in, and your study time in (reading). Also schedule things in during the week that give you energy. For me this is hiking, shooting, archery. I need those things. If I don’t have them I’m grumpier, lack enthusiasm and energy.
Those things that feed your soul need to be a part of your life BEFORE you schedule family time. That way you’re at your best for those that depend on you.
You can’t depend on someone who lacks discipline. Discipline, furthermore, is a choice that everyone has access to. If you’re not disciplined it’s your fault. If you’re not disciplined you will die with regret.
More than just not being a pussy, you show courage. You go where others are afraid of going. Guys like Captain James Cook come to mind in this regard. Courage is contagious. It’s also required to live a good, full, fulfilling life.
It is better to be tough than it is to be soft.
You cannot escape that fact. Toughness comes from training, from doing the hard work, and from facing fears.
You do your thing. You have vision, focus, a plan.
You follow. You have to follow at times in your life so you can learn how to lead. But you also do your own thing, ignoring what others say or think. You have clarity and the balls to act on those plans even when others may ridicule you for it.
This takes courage, but also clarity. Too often we don’t really know what we want. I find it necessary to get out into nature simply to hike, to struggle, to hunt, and to think to find clarity.
It’s harder to find clarity in a city, amidst the noise, and amidst the familiar.
You’re working too hard, I think you should take some time off, take it easy for a while.
Every soon-to-be-successful man has heard the exact same thing. You’re going to burn out. There’s more to life than work. Working isn’t everything. Money isn’t everything.
Some of those statements are true, but they’re used to diminish a man’s quest, to make him seem greedy, to make him feel selfish, to make him question what he’s doing. I think every ambitious guy’s been there, especially when he’s yet to see the fruits of his labor, or the full fruits of his labor. He’s far from his goal, and the work he’s constantly, persistently, obsessively engaged in doesn’t seem as though it will get him what he wants from an outside perspective, a perspective that doesn’t aim for greatness, think it’s possible, or even really want it that much.
Most people are content with mediocrity, and that’s fine so long as they don’t diminish the quest for more that someone may be on, or have jealousy toward someone who’s achieved greatness and put the work in to actually get it.
If building a legacy, acquiring real, generational wealth and power, isn’t something you want to do because of the lifestyle you’re going to have to adopt, don’t do it.
To that same point, if this is something you have gnawing at you deep in your soul, then by that same token you have to do it or you’ll live a depressing, unfulfilled life that may be successful to some, but not to you.
The Odd Obsession with Success
I was in high school, having just left hockey for basketball. Every morning I’d wake up at 5am, get on an hour-long bus ride to my high school, where the security guard I befriended would open up the gym early for me so I could get a couple hours of shooting in before class.
After school I’d leave to go somewhere in the city to play pick-up or do drills with a pal before practice later in the evening. And sometimes I’d stay after practice to shoot, too.
I wasn’t a great basketball player by any means, but I wanted to be. I wasn’t a great boxer at all, but I wanted to be. I wasn’t a great student and I really didn’t give a shit about that…
What I’m saying is that I clearly have an obsessive personality. With work, I’m the same. I just like it. I like learning. I like chasing a goal, a quest, greatness, whatever. I want to build something big, do something grand. I’ve repressed that a fair bit even recently and in the past.
I’ve quelled my ambitions, reduced my goals, cooled my ideas for what I want from life and also for the effort I put into getting what I want to essentially fit other people’s ideas for what life is all about. The reality is that life is different for everyone, and not everyone is obsessive.
Some are obsessed about adventure, others power, others wealth, success, building a legacy, while others still are content to chill, to enjoy their family and go at an easy pace.
The key is to be true to who you are, and fuck what everyone else says about what you should be, how you should think, and what you should aspire to achieve.
Being Obsessive Isn’t Bad
We’re told that being obsessive is bad, that being obsessed about anything is the wrong way to be. That too much of anything makes you an addict. Sure. But if you’re obsessive about success, or anything previously mentioned, that isn’t a bad thing, that’s how you reach your potential, feel fulfilled, find happiness and meaning, and actually live for a reason.
To turn your back on your obsessions is bad. I’ve been there.
You don’t work as hard as you like to, which leaves you down, depressed, feeling useless. You don’t train as hard because everyone’s telling you there’s more to life than lifting or hunting or hiking or adventuring or writing or whatever it is you’re obsessed about, and as a result you feel like a useless sack of shit, obeying what others think is living but ignoring what your soul calls you to do.
The magic is in being obsessed with success, because success entails more than one focus in life. It demands greatness in your career, your work, your craft. But you also have to be a great father, husband, boss, and leader. You have to live, to adventure, to serve. You have to have every area of your life firing on all cylinders.
To many, the thought of excelling in every single area of life is exhausting, but that’s what the Romans thought of as manliness, excellence in all things. They saw it as a quest to be truly great in every area of life so as to not waste the gift of life, the gift of ambition, the gift of health.
If you’re the type that is obsessive, use it.
Recently I opened up a Grant Cardone book with a title that screamed at me to grab it and read it, so I did.
From, Be Obsessed or Be Average, by Grant Cardone
When I started studying other obsessive types who were super successful and stopped seeking advice from those who were settling for average lives, average results, average money, average everything and who were never obsessed with anything except defending average, that’s when I began to really live.
When I started to own the fact that I was obsessed with personal fantasies of indestructible wealth and fame and the desire to create a legacy that would outlast my time on this planet, the world looked different. …I started to attract other people more like me. Opportunities started to present themselves that used to never come my way.
You are not someone else. You cannot diminish your goals to fit in because fitting in is far too overrated. Being obsessed isn’t a curse, it’s a gift, it’s insight into who you are. You have it hardwired in your DNA to achieve greatness, or die trying. That’s you. To do or aim to be anything or anyone else is a lie.
Just as the Alpha lion, the head male of a pride dies holding his throne, just as he risked death to acquire it, he has no other choice. He’s not doing it because he wants to. He’s not fighting other massive beasts because he likes it. He’s doing it because that’s just what an alpha male lion does. To do anything else is a betrayal of his existence, just like aiming for mediocrity, accepting a bad hand, lying down and quitting is a betrayal of who you are, a betrayal of your existence.
Fuck mediocrity. If that’s not for you, then by all means, aim higher, work harder, be obsessed. To do anything else will leave you with regret.
One should count each day a separate life. ~ Seneca
End each day with the question, If this day was my life, would I consider it a success?
It’s a simple but profound barometer. Success in life, after all, is a series of successful days. The future, however, isn’t always easy to work for nor to get excited about. A day is a life wrapped into 24 hours. When you add that kind of weight to a single day and you’re genuine about answering that question at every day’s end, it’s difficult not to have urgency in your hours and minutes.
Urgency and excitement are what allow us access to energy that defies what’s normal or common. Most people live a sedated life, almost waiting for their final day or blissfully ignorant to the fact that it’s coming, getting ever more close with each passing minute.
They live in such a manner because there is no urgency nor importance on their time. Time is something that ticks, it’s here to be spent or wasted or enjoyed, not used.
The worker, the hustler, the fella with the fundamental understanding that a day really does matter, and thus, so does an hour and a minute and the focuses of each should fit into one’s idea of a good life, a successful life, in the end, wins.
He wins because he doesn’t waste time. He doesn’t waste a day nor an hour nor a minute.
A day without accomplishment cannot be judged favorably. Accomplishment is time well-used. Time well used is time that fits into the overall goal or plan for a life. If, within your day, you accomplish one or two things that bring you closer to your overall idea of success, then you’ve succeeded.
If you’ve spent more time being pulled away into projects and attitudes and thoughts that don’t fit your definition of a good life, then you’ve failed.
It’s a personal definition, but if you want to build a great business, one that leaves a legacy far after you’re dead, then work without distraction has to be an important part of your day.
I assume you also want to ‘live’, thus, a day spent outdoors, in the woods, in new lands, or in adventures, has to also be deemed victorious.
Every day doesn’t have to be the same, nor should it. They shouldn’t be measured by the same categories because on different days our focuses change.
Your work matters, it’s a part of who you are and why you’re here.
Your family and friends matter, they’re an important piece of having a happy, meaningful life. Adventure and exploration are also important. At times work has to be left and an adventure has to be had.
If every day is successful in either of those three categories, then your life will be as well.
How you see the world can determine your degree of happiness, success, and pride toward the end of your life. Most, however, see the world as somehow owing them something, as success as something dependent on circumstance and not on the man.
If you think that circumstance dictates who you are and what you accomplish in life, you’re fucked.
I can’t put it any other way. If you know, however, that you determine where you end up in life no matter where you’re born or who you’re born unto, then you have the power to exact whichever reality you wish to exact, and create whatever life you want to create.