Can you be manly? Of course. You don’t call an effeminate ‘manly’. You don’t call a weak, timid man, manly. You wouldn’t look at a guy who’s always afraid, who gets pushed around by people and the world, manly.
Every man should aim to be manly. While we’re told to be good, be kind, and be successful, but a part of success is being good at being a man, something that’s almost completely forgotten by our society and culture.
Aspiring to be more manly is aiming to become a more successful man. But instead of using money or popularity as a barometer for success, you’re using masculinity. The more masculine you are, the more of a man you are.
Our society has messed up what it means to be a man in a big way. Hence, sometimes we need articles like this one to help clarity.
Here’s the reality, we know a man’s man when we see one and meet one. There’s something unspoken that stands out about the guy, how he carries himself, who he is, and even how he looks.
If you think this is an archaic topic, then you’re on the right site. If you believe in the myth of toxic masculinity, then again, wrong site. If you think that masculinity is in some way bad, wrong site, wrong article.
This article is for guys who want to improve every area of their life, including how masculine they are, and I applaud you for doing so.
You don’t make a society safe by making weak men, they’ll stab you in the back, they’re devious. You make a society safe by building strong men, by allowing them to be strong and dangerous so as to keep the rest of the flock in check.
Be a sheepdog
Evil exists. It cannot be won through peace or compassion. It is evil. It’s illogical. It’s dark and it preys on the weak. Men must be the sheepdogs guarding the weak that evil aims to decimate and enslave.
Do manly shit
“Over-sentimentality, over-softness, in fact, washiness and mushiness are the great dangers of this age and of this people. Unless we keep the barbarian virtues, gaining the civilized ones will be of little avail.”
Masculinity is barbaric. Society needs it to be. It is not soft, though once it’s strong it can be softened and refined. You cannot aim to be soft first, you need to be tough, gritty and barbaric, and you practice being so by doing manly, barbaric things.
Hunt, fight, practice the art of being dangerous. If you don’t have the capacity to be dangerous, if you can be pushed around and beat up, you’re not doing this manliness thing correctly.
Too many think that ‘being the man’ is doing whatever the hell you want. If you’re not providing for your family, if you’re not saving for a rainy day, if you’re not someone that your family can depend on, you’re definitely doing this man thing wrong.
You’re the rock, the shoulder, the constant. You can’t be a boy. You can’t show up. You have to be the leader of the house, the tribe, and everything else.
The Lost Art of Manliness
Being manly is a necessary quest for every man to take part in. From the time you’re a boy, you aspire to be so. You don’t look up to wimps or whiners, but strong, self-reliant men. You aspire to be like them. You grow and age and you must continue this pursuit until, eventually one day, you’re the man that everyone looks to for protection, help, and guidance.
Be that guy
Don’t go the soft route of society, go the route that men took to build nations, not the weakness that threatens to see them crumble.
The more I contemplate writing this article, the more nervous I get about how many people are going to hate me for it. But then I realized, worrying about what other men think about my personal opinions to the point where it’s affecting my freedom, is not manly at all.
So as a disclaimer, if you get offended easily, do not read beyond this point.
As of late I have been spending a lot of time reading both past and present articles by a buddy of mine, Chad Howse. You see, Chad is a huge fan of – and highly inspired by – great men of our past. You know, Theodore Roosevelt, Napoleon, Alexander the Great, and a number of other badasses from back in the day.
All men with characteristics like grit, honor, courage, ambition, and other qualities that, ultimately, led to them becoming legendary men.
In fact, it was a recent article by Chad (12 Characteristics of Real Men) that inspired this one. After reading some of the stuff there, I realized how big of pussies we have become.
And it got me thinking…
“Where have all the real men gone?”
I like to think that I was brought up “old school” – with certain beliefs about how men should behave. You see, my dad was a manly man and he did manly shit. But it was my mother who pointed things out about how to be manly.
Thinking back on it, I can see why she had these opinions of what a real man should be like. But I also realized how much the times are changing.
So what I want to do in this article is point out 17 “Girly Man” Traits That Would Make Your Father Ashamed.
I’ll be the first to admit: there are probably going to be some items on this list that I am guilty of – but sometimes you just have to man up and admit that you’re not perfect.
Now let’s jump in!
1. Soft Handshakes
There aren’t many things I hate more than shaking a man’s limp hand. Not only does it say to me “this guy is an unconfident pussy”, but it must feel emasculating to have another man just crush your hand with a firm confident grip.
In fact, I have my own little study going on. Ok, well maybe it’s more of an observation than an actual study.
Every time I meet someone, I greet them with a firm handshake. 9 times out of 10, they seem soft and frail. However, 10 times out of 10, their handshake grip is a bit more firm the next time we meet.
Why? Simple: they felt emasculated – perhaps to a small degree, but less of a man, nonetheless.
2. Looking down during a conversation
Nothing says “I’m a little bitch” like looking down while another man speaks to you. Or even worse, looking down as you speak back to another man.
I am no psychologist – and I certainly have no background in kinesics – but I think we can all agree that a man who stares at the ground during a conversation isn’t too confident.
This type of behavior is typically found in young, unconfident children, and labeled as “being shy.”
You see, there are two types of men in this world.
1. The Strong Confident Type: they ask how you’re doing and actually care to hear your answer. They’re present in the moment and wouldn’t be caught dead looking at their phone during a conversation.
2. The Little Bitch: these are the unconfident ones whom won’t look at you, they’ll speak softly, and if they’re not interested in the conversation (which they won’t be), they won’t let you know. You’ll simply have to read their body language and realize that they are uncomfortable before disengaging and allowing them to escape what, to them, felt like a hostage situation. (Read This: 5 Ways to Tell You’re a Little Bitch)
As men, it’s natural for us to call each other names and make fun of each other’s shirts. It’s normal for us to call each other pussies for not having another drink.
But the moment that we begin to discuss someone in a negative light while that person is not present, it becomes gossip. And gossip is for insecure pussies, not real men.
4. Being Indecisive
Don’t ask your wife/girlfriend where she wants to go to dinner. You are taking her out, it’s your idea, be a fucking man and takethe initiative.
Don’t let a dinner date start off with a conversation that looks like this:
Man: Hey babe, where do you want to go to dinner?
Woman: I don’t care. Wherever you want to go.
Man: I don’t really care either. I’ll eat anything. What are you in the mood for?
Woman: It really doesn’t matter. Whatever you want.
And so on and so forth.
Be a man. Be decisive.
5. Calling women “Bitches”
If I am talking to you and you refer to women as “bitches”, I automatically have zero respect for you and whoever brought you up, period.
6. Going through her phone
10 times out of 10, if you are insecure in your relationship it’s because you are projecting yourself onto your wife or girlfriend. You are not insecure because she is untrustworthy, you’re insecure because you are a scumbag and you think everyone else are scumbags, too.
If you don’t trust a woman for something she has done in the past, you simply move forward with or without her. If you decide to move forward with her, then do just that, move forward. Playing detective and skimming through texts and emails is beta as fuck.
7. Talking your way out of a fight
Look. We are not undomesticated animals that should be acting classless and risking our future because another man stepped on our shoes.
But if there is an altercation (whether your fault or not), stand up for yourself. Be a man and put your fists up. Sometimes you have to beat someone’s ass or remember what it feels like to get punched in the face.
8. Sucker punching
We are men. We get into arguments with other men and a lot of the time it has to become physical.
And if that is the case, be a fucking man and square up face to face, one on one, and resolve the issue.
Sucker punching someone is hands down the most cowardly act a man can perform.
You know who sucker punches people? Little pussies, that’s who.
Selfies, not to be confused with swolfies, are beta. There are a very limited number of situations where it is ok for a man to hold up a phone, point it at his own face, and snap a picture.
Unless you are:
- With your children
Selfies are not ok. There is nothing manly about snapping a picture of yourself to post on social media for everyone to see your new haircut (something I’ve actually done).
10. Arriving late
It’s easy to understand why a woman would show up late. I have a mother, sister, wife, and daughter, so I have an idea of what goes on when they’re getting ready. Although, it’s important that both males and females be punctual, being a man who is always late is beta.
If you have to say “sorry I am late”, you’re probably a beta male. Real men have respect for their time, but, more importantly, for other people’s time. (Read This: How to Use Your Time Like a Winner)
A real man is ambitious and confident. He’s full of life because he is constantly working on becoming a better version of his self.
At no point in time, ever, will you find an alpha male criticizing or demeaning someone.
People ask me all the time “do you have to have thick skin to deal with the criticism that comes from being a public figure?”
The answer is, no.
You simply need to realize that there will never come a time where someone who is happy with themselves – their life and their accomplishments – puts you down.
Only the weak will attempt to bring you down and demean you. The strong will either ignore you because they are busy working on themselves, or they will help elevate you.
12. Putting your wife/girlfriend down
As a man, your job is to help your wife/girlfriend become the best version of herself. She is the ultimate reflection of you.
The most beta thing a man could do to his woman is put her down and destroy her confidence. These insecure men put their women down because they feel inferior to other men and are afraid of a confident woman.
But if you are constantly making your woman feel unworthy, ugly, or incapable, don’t be surprised when she runs into the arms of a man who does the opposite.
13. Playing on your phone
If you are out to dinner with your friends, family, or girlfriend, put your fucking phone away. There is nothing manly about sitting across from your friends, at a dinner table, texting or scrolling Instagram on your phone.
14. Checking your FB every 5 minutes
You are a man and should have a lot of things on your plate. If you don’t, then you’re probably not working towards something epic.
Logging into Facebook every few minutes to look at motivational quotes, pictures of your friends on their vacation, and people bitching and complaining about Mondays, is not a great use of your time.
If your life is so boring that you find enjoyment from seeing what everyone else is up to, every 5 minutes, then you may want to reconsider your path.
Nothing says “I am a pussy” like cheating on your significant other. If you are not man enough to be faithful in a relationship, don’t be in one.
Man the fuck up and have some respect for yourself, but, more importantly, for the woman you are lying in bed with each night.
Oh, you had a bad day?
News flash! Nobody gives a fuck.
Understand this: I don’t care how badly AT&T “raped” you on your phone bill or how backed up traffic was this morning – if you’re a man, you should never complain. Not because life isn’t hard, but because while you’re crying about the coffee your coworker spilled on your new leather shoes, there is some young kid dying of hunger or battling cancer. So fuck you and your ugly shoes.
If you’ve got a problem, solve it. If you can’t solve it, accept it. Never complain.
[Tweet “If you’ve got a problem, solve it. If you can’t solve it, accept it. Never complain.”]
17. Getting offended over this article
Did some of the things I said here offend you?
Well, too bad. Be a man and live by your own rules!
What does this have to do with fitness?
Good question. I really contemplated posting this because it really had nothing to do with fitness. But getting bigger and stronger doesn’t make you alpha. Having the characteristics of a real man, does.
What good is getting strong and jacked if you’re still being a pussy?
Hope you enjoyed it and make sure to share this with your beta friends who need to man up!
About The Author
Alain Gonzalez is a former skinny guy turned jacked fitness pro whose transformation story has been featured in articles on websites all over the internet. He has dedicated his life to helping naturally skinny guys like himself to overcome their genetics and take their physiques to the next level.
Certified Personal Trainer
Men need to be men.
We need to be in contact, to feel a connection with the raw masculinity we had as wee ones.
I have a Godson, he’s a good little fella, a typical boy who loves to fight and play with pretend guns and fight some more.
Somewhere along the line, as our society pushes us away from masculinity, to be more docile, controllable, “safe” “men” who weigh risk rather than dive in head first, we lose that connection. (Read This: It’s Comfort That Will Be Our Death)
One of the greatest complaints I get is men feeling as though are aren’t being men.
Being a man is a very literal, actionable thing that our society wants nothing of.
Men are warriors, hunters, fighters. Sure we’re thinkers and fathers and husbands and CEOs, but to deny what men were bred for, to deny the fact that we’ve been warriors and hunters far longer than we’ve been sedated sons is to turn your back on what will feed your soul…
I’m a Christian. I love God. But I’m not talking about religion here. I think God made men to kick some ass not to fall into line. It goes against our nature to be what we’ve become, the mediocre, safe humans that rule suburbia and city alike.
We’ve been conquerors for far too long to simply stop within a few generations and think that we can still feel the pride, the courage, and that feeling of being good at being a man that we had for so many centuries. (Check This Out: The Code of Manhood)
In short, you need to do manly shit.
You need to get out there in the wild. You need to shoot guns and fight. You need to conquer lands, to explore, to go where you’ve yet to visit.
You need to be an overt man and you need to chase things that are manly. We’ve lost it, and we’re lost.
We read and study and we sit on couches so head-shrinkers and figure out what bothers us so, yet we don’t follow the pull toward things that are a little dangerous.
We don’t Teddy Roosevelt it up by hunting and exploring lands that scare us.
Men need to be men. While we are philosophers, even those of Ancient Greece and Rome saw the necessity in the warrior. They learned as much from battle as they did peace.
I learned as much about myself while I was in the ring as I have anywhere else in life even though that was such a relatively brief moment of my life.
Listening to Your Pull
This article isn’t a learned man preaching to those who need to be taught. It’s a collection of thoughts of a humble young man going through life figuring out how to best live and how to best be a man, both a good man and good at being a man. I’m lucky enough to have created a job that allows me to think about this stuff, try it, test it, and write about it, hopefully benefiting someone else in the process.
And with all of the books read, the lessons learned, the primal, that which should not have to be taught, is what may need to be taught or reconnected with most.
That kid that’s my Godson. He’s a good little man, 3 years old and full of piss and vinegar. He’s also obsessed with guns. He loves good guy vs bad guy shows and situations. He loves to fight. He loves hanging with the fellas and if we’re not looking he’ll grab a beer and do his best to emulate the idiots that surround him – myself being one such idiot.
He’s a boy, there is no doubt. Fortunately, he’s raised by a man, one who takes him outdoors, who watches manly movies with him who’s feeding his own masculine desires by being connected with the 3-year old he once was. (Read This: 10 Lessons Every Father Should Teach His Son)
I’m the same. When I was a kid I wanted cowboy hats and guns and holsters. I’d play cowboy all day, which was good for my folks because cowboys have to work the land and they’d put me to work as a part of my “playing” – well done.
There have been times, though, when I’ve lost that connection, that desire to explore. I’ve been caught up in “what has to be done” to be successful in this society and I’ve ignored that pull toward something more physical, more dangerous, and I’ve felt down, sad, almost lost without a physicality in my life, a physicality that some may shun as brutish and archaic, but it is necessary.
You’re obviously a reader. You study, you read books, maybe history’s your thing, or fiction. Regardless, you’re getting smarter as a result.
Our culture tells us this is good, and it is, but doing what we read about and dream about is required if we’re to feel like men.
One of the biggest complaints I get is that guys don’t feel like men anymore. They’ve lost that connection that existed when we were doing more of what we were meant to do, when men were handier, when they were stronger, when they were warriors, not complainers who dial a phone number or ask for help anytime something’s wrong.
Don’t let this ever “evolving” civilization tell you that it’s archaic or brutish to be a fucking man. As more men feel less connected, as suicide rates skyrocket, we need both camaraderie that’s being lost as society gays everything up, leaving the good, true relationships between men a rarity, we need to be in small tribes, gangs, and in nature doing shit that men have done for eons more than ever.
Whatever your pull is, listen to it.
If you want to explore, you must. If you want to hunt, it’s required of you to do so. If you want to travel, buy a fucking ticket. The more something scares you the more you need it.
Listen to your pull.
To man the fuck up you have to feel like a fucking man. Sitting in an office all day or being surrounded by family where you’re forced to act civilized isn’t doing them any good by robbing them of the man they need to lead them.
Whatever pulls you, the cowboy in you, the warrior, the fighter, the hunter, be him. If you want to feel alive, to feel like a fucking man, you’ll take action.
About The Author
Chad Howse: Chad’s mission is to get you in the arena, ‘marred by the dust and sweat and blood’, to help you set and achieve audacious goals in the face of fear, and not only build your ideal body, but the life you were meant to live. He’ll give you the kick in the ass needed to help you live a big, ambitious life.
You can contact him at –