Home Stoic Why No One Respects You (how to get more respect)

Why No One Respects You (how to get more respect)




People crave respect, especially men. 

We want to be feared, respected, to have people treat us a certain way so we can get what we want in life.

And yet, so many of us have a terrible reputation with ourselves. We know we’re not going to follow through on our word, we lack discipline, we’ve achieved next to nothing, we’re a slave to our desires, and we’re weak or fat or out of shape.

Anyone can command respect. That’s not the issue. To be respected by everyone requires long-term solutions, not hacks or quick tips.

So if you want the quick tips or hacks, this isn’t the video for you. We’re going to deal with reality, with truth, with the things that will actually get you respect, even fear.

So why do we need to be respected, even by those we don’t know?

For one, no one takes you seriously if they don’t respect you. You say you’re going to do something or achieve something and they snicker.

Thus, it makes it way more difficult to get what you want in life.

And if men don’t respect you, women won’t either, so you’re left with the women that nobody else wants as your perspective mates. 

And if women and men don’t respect you, your kids won’t respect you. They’ll see you as weak and powerless, which will lead them to not listen to you, to ignore your rules and guidance.

By not being respected you’re essentially accepting a degraded life.

You’re accepting mediocrity. You’re accepting being walked over, stepped on, and dismissed.

You’re accepting less money, less freedom, less power. 

It’s no way to live. And it’s completely under your control.

Define the Negative to Create the Positive – via negativa

To find out how to be respected, figure out why you’re not currently respected, or respected to the degree you want to be respected.

If any of these fit your situation, get to work on the solution I talk about.

As with every video, I’m primarily writing to myself as well. These are all things I have to work on, and every man has to work on. You’re not alone on this, because much of this is counter to what we’re taught and who we’re taught to be in a modern society.

But it’s pretty simple to turn things around.

  1. Have a bad reputation with yourself

Confidence is simply the reputation you have with yourself. If you don’t believe you’re going to do what you say you’re going to do internally, no one else is going to believe you, either.

Be consistent and persistent.

If you don’t respect yourself, others won’t respect you. And this isn’t something you gain from chanting ‘I respect myself’ in your head everyday. 

You improve your reputation with yourself by following through on what you say to yourself, namely, what you tell yourself you’re going to do.

You workout when you say you’re going to workout. You finish the work you have to do everyday.

You follow through. You always follow through.

If all you did in this life was follow through on the positive things you say you’re going to do, even internally, it’s almost impossible to imagine how successful you’ll be.

No one does this. No one does this 100% of the time, though it’s possible.

If this is all you do, you’ll have your own respect, and plenty of respect from others as well.

  1. Care too much

The person who wins the negotiation is the person who cares the least.

With negotiation, always be willing to walk away no matter the circumstance. In life, carry that same mentality. People sense desperation. It wreaks. 

Develop the Stoic mindset of amor fati, or love fate.

Be robust and indestructible because you know your final resting place, and it doesn’t bother you. Nothing can be taken from you because you need nothing, you depend on nothing. 

Be okay with failure, death, everything, and then put your best foot forward

  1. Talk too much

Talking too much comes from a desire to either sound smarter than others, or simply be heard by others. Either way, it stems from weakness.

You want your words to have impact, wisdom, and some benefit behind them. If they’re too many, if you voice every single opinion going through your head, it’s seen as being weak.

The worst form of conversation a man can have is about others. If you’re constantly talking about others, especially when they’re not around, no one is going to trust you.

It’s easy to see that if someone is talking about someone else, they’ll talk about you when you’re not around.

Bite your tongue. Loose lips sink ships.

  1. Be weak and not dangerous.

It’s hard to respect a frail man. Of course, a frail man can gain immense power in other areas, through wealth or politics, but if you have the capacity to be dangerous, you ought to be dangerous.

And most men have that capacity.

Train your body to become stronger. Look more imposing. And learn how to fight.

Having the capacity for danger won’t only get you more respect, it’ll greatly improve your confidence in a deep, quiet sense.

When you know you can fight, you feel no need to prove yourself. You become calmer, more quiet, less aggressive.

  1. Be unreliable.

People don’t respect you if you’re unreliable. This is a great way to ensure you get no one’s respect, make no money, and never achieve anything of value.

Show up on time. Do what you say you’re going to do. Follow through on what you say you’re going to do to yourself. Be reliable, dependable.

People should know that they can count on you. If you can build that kind of reputation you’ll have respect and success.

  1. Be lazy.

Nothing of value has come from laziness. That doesn’t mean you’re always busy. It’s often better to be bored than busy, or selective at what you work on than simply working on anything and everything. 

But if you’re unwilling to do hard work, to do things you don’t enjoy doing, and you’re willing to spend hours in front of the tv or video games, how can you expect people’s respect?

Not everyone has the same start in life, but everyone, every single person on the planet, has the ability to work hard. Add wisdom and intelligence to hard work and you’ll surely gain people’s respect.

It’s hard for people to respect someone who’s unwilling to give effort, from work to their physique.

  1. Be needy.

Neediness, especially with women, is like smelling horribly. If you stink, no one wants to be around you. If you’re too needy, no one wants to be around you.

The solution is loving solitude. 

When you don’t need to have people around to be happy, to have fun, to enjoy yourself, having them around isn’t a need, it’s a bonus.

Greatness is won in solitude. Neediness is a repellent to respect.

Figure out how to not be so needy, to not need what others are doing, to completely rid yourself of FOMO, to find peace and progress in solitude.

  1. Lack discipline.

How can someone respect a man who lacks discipline? 

Discipline is choosing what you want most over what you want now. Most humans choose what they want now, which is almost always tied to pleasure.

However, victories and successes in life are won through struggle, pain, work, and discipline. By avoiding pleasure.

By being undisciplined you’re making it impossible to gain the respect of others and of yourself.

Practice simple disciplines like working out everyday or getting up early everyday.

  1. Be a slob.

Lastly, is purely visual. 

If your house is a mess, if you dress like a mess, you’re not going to be respected.

You don’t need a lot of money to dress well. Spend more on fewer items and make sure they fit. 

Make sure your house is always in order, as well as your office and desk. People automatically have no respect for slobs. 

It doesn’t matter what else you do, you’re almost surely going to get no respect if you’re a slob.

So all of your positive attributes can be undone if you don’t follow this simple rule.

That’s it.

Respect is important to have, especially your own respect.

It’s hard to respect yourself if you’re a slob, a lazy loser who’s fat and weak and never follows through on anything.

So if you do want respect, earn it. 

If you want to find the right spouse, deserve the right spouse.

This isn’t rocket science. 

People don’t respect others for no reason. There’s always fundamental attributes behind the most respected people in the world and in your circle.

Simply put, the better you are, the more respect you’ll get.


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Chad Howse

Chad’s mission is to get you in the arena, ‘marred by the dust and sweat and blood’, to help you set and achieve audacious goals in the face of fear, and not only build your ideal body, but the life you were meant to live.

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