The best a man can be? We’re seeing this call for masculinity to be labeled as ‘toxic’. The reality is, that their definition of toxic is actually something you should aspire to be. I dive into the APA’s recent definition of toxic masculinity, how they got it wrong, and why you should fight back.
Do you listen to your mood, or to your mission?
Answer a few of the following questions…
- Do you workout on a planned workout day, or does it depend on how you feel?
- Do you check off your daily tasks, or does it depend on how you feel?
- Do you lie in bed all day, sleep in, watch TV, or do you do the tasks you’ve set out for yourself?
Think about those questions…
How you act and how you react to your feelings determines whether you listen to your mood or your mission, and if you listen to your mood you will not accomplish your mission.
Now, I’ve been on both sides of the spectrum…
For much of my life I’ve admittedly allowed my mood to dictate my actions, and it hasn’t ‘hurt me’ all that much because I usually have a good, driven mood. When I was driven I’d work long hours and get a ton done, which would allow those periods where I wasn’t ‘feeling it’ to not be too detrimental.
That said, how cowardly…
To think about where I could now be if I acted as I now do – actually, better than I now do – is painful.
Those many days wasted could have resulted in more books written, skills developed, and adventures had, but I let my mood dictate my actions.
For years I did that.
If I was lethargic or feeling lazy, I’d do a minimal amount of work with a maximal amount of ‘breaks’ between said work. I let feelings and moods get in the way of my mission.
And for years, I didn’t really know how to fix this weakness. I thought success and accomplishment was dependent on motivation.
Motivation is a lie, it’s an emotion, and emotions don’t always tell the truth, quite often they get in the way of the truth.
The truth is what we have to do, and what we have to do shouldn’t be dissuaded by an emotion.
So, I simplified…
I focused on writing down ONE important task every day, and doing it.
It didn’t matter how I felt or what I felt like doing, or if I was sick, or if I didn’t sleep the night before, it got done.
After doing that for a while, I added another task, and now I add a usually amount of tasks – 2-4 per day – that I have to accomplish.
I’m imperfect. I still revert back to old habits every now and then, but I try not to let thoughts of any kind get in the way of what must be done.
It doesn’t matter if they’re good or bad thoughts. I’ve already thought about what I need to do. I plan my day the evening before.
So I’ve put thought into this task and why it must be done, why would I be thinking any clearer now?
So, don’t think, just do.
This has worked wonders for me.
It’s one of many tactics I talk about in my new audiobook The Lost Art of Discipline (you can pick it up HERE for only $2.95).
It doesn’t matter what the goal is, what industry you work in, what you’re trying to accomplish depends on discipline.
I lacked discipline. Yet, I wanted to accomplish a lot. The gap between where I was and where I wanted to be could only be bridged if I developed true discipline, both in how I thought and the habits I developed.
So I started studying discipline, and The Lost Art of Discipline is the culmination of years of research about what actually works and what’s just self-help mumbo jumbo.
If you really want to accomplish something great pick up The Lost Art of Discipline for only $2.95 HERE
Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time. — Thomas Edison
The market determines whether or not what we’re producing is good or bad, but just because it doesn’t immediately jump at what we’re providing, does not and cannot be the end.
Momentum is one of the most powerful things that we rarely see or even are aware of.
It’s a force we control, and we control it monotonously and persistently by doing good work for an extended period of time.
It’s not something we ever truly realize until we win.
In my experience it takes 18 months of daily, purposeful work toward an ideal.
It’s measured in growth, be it in sales or the growth of a following, an email list, even praise from new followers, clients, whoever.
It’s never really that clear that it’s happening, either, which is why so few ever see the fruit of their labor. They quit before they allow it to be realized.
So how are you to know that what you’re doing will work?
How am I to know?
We have to have a brain, we have to be able to decipher failure, to learn from it, adjust, and continue forward.
It’s never a straight path, but it’s always a lot more simple than we allow it to be, success that is.
You find something that interests you, and that you’re at least somewhat good at, where you know you can get better at, and you put out the best product, work, creation that you can put out. And you keep doing it.
You do not look at what someone else is doing, something that looks easy, profitable, and quick. You stay the course.
In training, you do not just from program to program, you methodically do what a good program says to do until you see the momentum in the mirror or in the numbers.
You do not try to save everything all at once. You merely put a bit away every month, invest it in the right things, and watch it compound. Momentum will bring you wealth.
You do not try to change your lifestyle all at once. You make small, simple changes, and then add to them, and before you know it you’re living as the man you want to be, giving the world a better human rather than a leech.
If you give up or quit or shift to something else, your momentum is lost and you have to start this process all over again.
Again, I use myself as a cautionary tale.
I had one of my web sites getting 300,000 followers every month like clockwork, which brought in a ton of leads and customers and grew the business completely organically, which is rare.
I took my eye off the site and both sites actually. I started doing other things that I was told to do by other people who do not share my values or intentions with my business.
The site now doesn’t crack 100,000 visitors online a month.
My momentum has stalled.
I’ll get it back.
Don’t take your eye off your goal.
Don’t look for something newer, shinier. Do the work. Do it every day, and wait for momentum to present its results.
Get after it.
The antidote to fear is aggression
“To stand up straight with your shoulders back is to accept the terrible responsibility of life, with eyes wide open. It means deciding to voluntarily transform the chaos of potential into the realities of habitable order.” ~ Jordan Peterson
The object of our fear is typically something we should move toward, not turn and run from.
Fear, though ancestrally it was used for survival and to avoid danger, has become more of a compass, a guiding light and north star than a deterrent.
What we want most in life, the life we want to build and live, is often what we’re most afraid to act on.
We want to build our own empire but we’re too afraid that the years of work will be in vain, so we don’t act.
Fear needs an antidote, and its antidote is its opposite, aggression.
Aggression is something that instills fear in that which is being shown aggression. The aggressor cannot be both the aggressor and the victim, thus, by acting with aggression, the one in fear becomes the one without it, or at least the one moving to oppose it.
Jordan Peterson’s quote at the beginning is powerful.
We have to admit that life is scary. There is so much in life, in the world, to be afraid of. I can be terrifying, and the more we attempt to accomplish, the more opportunity for terror there will be simply because the scope of what we’re aiming at is more audacious.
This terror, this chaos, however, exists for everyone. You are not alone in your fear. It’s shared by every human in existence if they think about life, about its greater questions, even about the possibilities of what can happen on a daily basis.
But there’s a choice.
You do not have to live in the fear, you can stand up to it, face it, even beat the living shit out of it.
Let’s take both the immediate usefulness of this and the broader, maybe even greater usefulness of aggression, and then let’s be real about what society thinks about and intends to do about the capacity for a man’s aggression.
Actually, let’s start off with this, a well-trained, physically conditioned man is a deadly weapon. Some see this and are afraid of it, they think about historical myths like the patriarchy and see the oppressor, willingly remaining blind to the other half of the coin, the protector and defender, and as such, with a very narrow and distorted and wrong view of the world and of history, want to soften this potentially deadly weapon.
And so they teach men, young men, that being a man is a dangerous thing, something to be ashamed of. Something that’s done more harm in history than good – which is a perspective, but an ignorant one. Men and women, together, have been oppressed, together, throughout history.
Men and women were sent to the gas chambers pretty soon after their government confiscated their guns, their potential for being deadly.
Men and women were enslaved all over the world, and still are.
Men have fought and died in wars, since time immemorial, trying to protect what’s important to them.
We have a shared success and a shared oppression, men and women that is. We are not enemies, and haven’t been in our history. We necessarily work together, something that modern feminism and leftism is trying to destroy.
And so they attack the potential power of the man, while being so ignorant and blind to the fact that evil exists, danger exists, and bad people exist, and good men who are also deadly can keep this evil outside the gates, as they have done for our entire history as humans.
So yes, a good man who is deadly is as valuable thing as there is in our great and free society.
And then there’s you and I, the individual.
We’re facing this thing called life. It seems to grand to comprehend, and yet we must live it well every day.
We have dreams, all of us do, and we want to win them, accomplish them, make them real.
We have fears, we all do, and we want to conquer those as well.
And so, we have that innately male characteristic, the one that’s made a little more abundant by our most powerful hormone, testosterone, and made more effective by the same hormone, that thing, of course, is aggression.
Testosterone gives us a bit more of it, along with a greater aptitude to take risks, and it gives us the muscle, the power to be able to make our aggression – at least in the physical sense – successful.
You and I have fears in the micro, and fears in the macro.
The fears in the micro may be the thug that wants to break into our house.
Fears in the macro may be that we’re afraid that we might fail, that our work will be in vain, that we aren’t truly worthy of our dreams, that we’re going to fail and leave our families with nothing.
Both fears must be met with aggression, they must be attacked.
When you sense fear in the moment, stand tall with your shoulders back and be aggressive.
When you feel the weight of the world on your back, when you find yourself doubting who you are and what you’re capable of, stand talk with your shoulders back, your eyes wide open, and march forward aggressively, like a man, and conquer those fears.
Become a fucking legend.
Pick up my new book, the man diet, at the mandietbook.com and learn how to produce more of that wonderful hormone that makes us men.
The Man Show Episode 2
Listen on iTunes: https://goo.gl/wfwY1B
When you don’t feel like doing something that’s usually a sign that you should do it.
What should you do if you’re in a funk? Exactly what you had set out to do in the first place.
This is the difference between winners and losers.
Winners do not believe all of their feelings to be true and good.
This is where planning has to come in. If you don’t spend an hour or so planning your week once a week, and if you don’t spend another hour or so planning tomorrow, you leave victory and success, even life, to chance.
You become a victim of your feelings. It’s a state that most people exist in.
It’s one of being pushed by currents rather than setting sails and going in the desired direction.
So, I did not feel like doing this podcast today.
Which is exactly why I had to do it.
Here’s what’s important to know – not just understand…
It’s these moments, days, even months and years, where you’re feeling down, useless, and in a funk, that determine your LIFE.
When you feel great and up to it, you’re going to do the work and embark on the adventures. Of course you are. You feel like it. But everyone does the work when they feel like doing the work.
Only a minority do great and good work, even go through the proper motions, when they don’t feel like doing it.
These are the moments that determine your life.
Every life is filled with moments of action, where feelings lead to ambitious undertakings.
Only winners do what needs to be done, when they feel like curling up in their bed and turning on the TV. When they feel lost. When life feels futile. Only winners still do what must be done.
And yes, we all have these feelings.
We all get in a funk. We all suddenly realize the futility of our efforts – or at least see things from that perspective. But if you’re going to accomplish anything of value, and live a life worth living, not wasted and misused like so many are, you have to do what you set out to do when you don’t feel like doing it.