Can you get more confidence simply from being ‘good’?
Well, kinda, and kinda not.
We all need confidence. It’s what helps us live a better life, it enables us to take greater risks, aim higher, enter new realms of achievement and happiness and performance where, without confidence, we wouldn’t think we’d belong.
Confidence has to be internal, deep, and unshakable. It has to exist in the worst of times, as it can’t be dependent on things going well, because things don’t always go ‘well’. And ‘well’, is subjective.
What’s the simplest way to create real, deep, unbreakable confidence?
Don’t lie to yourself.
Over the run of a day you likely lie to yourself dozens upon dozens of times without even knowing it. I do this. We all do this.
The problem is that we don’t consider it ‘lying to ourselves’ when we say we’re going to do something, even something small, and then fail to do it.
The obvious lies are saying we’re going to workout, then not doing it.
But we say we’re going to save money, and then we spend it on something that we don’t really need, but want in the moment.
We tell ourselves things internally, we treat them like suggestions instead of promises.
When they have to do with improvement, they should be seen as promises.
Going to read for 30 minutes today? Don’t lie to yourself, do it.
Going to stretch for 30 minutes…
Write for an hour…
Not get distracted, not watch porn, not complain…
Those things you tell yourself you’re going to do or not going to do are important. Very important.
The more you say you’re going to do something and don’t follow through on it, the more you don’t believe yourself, and thus don’t believe in yourself.
So in that sense, being more disciplined is the foundation of being more confident.
Sure there are those who seemingly have a ton of confidence and lack discipline, but often-times they’ll crumble in difficult situations where leadership is needed, where grit and force are required for victory.
Set your ideal of what you want to do and who you want to be, and do those things.
As Marcus Aurelius said,
“A noble man compares and estimates himself by an idea which is higher than himself; and a mean man, by one lower than himself. The one produces aspiration; the other ambition, which is the way in which a vulgar man aspires.”
Be better. The confidence will inevitably come.
He also wrote,
“Just that you do the right thing. The rest doesn’t matter. Cold or warm. Tired of well-rested. Despised or honored.”
Who cares how you feel or who’s watching or if no one is watching at all.
It doesn’t matter if you feel like it, if you don’t feel like it, if you’re sick or cold, tired or worn out, just do the right thing.
The more you do the right thing, the thing you set out to do, the disciplined thing, not only will you have more confidence, but you’ll have victories under your belt which will only make you believe that you are who you’re trying to become.
Therein lies the confidence that you need. You create it through right action, you don’t think it or wish it to be so. It’s something you control. So control it.